Just because you live a life avoiding drama (or at least TRYING to) does not mean that drama won't find you...A gentleman got in touch with me because his wife suddenly passed away and he is just reaching out to find help where ever he can. Here is his email...his identity has been changed:
i am ***** by name and am from Manchester London am 45 years by age and am also a man of faith and believed so much on God's miracles and doings. but right now i lost my wife on the process of giving birth to my son *******.
its so much hard to leave here in London, without a lovely and a kind woman, that will always be by my side to love and care for me and my kid too. i will like to stop here for now and willing to tell you more great things about my self, if only i will read more things from you too. here my email you can send me emails or you can add me up on yahoo messenger or you send me your cell number so i can be calling you from time to time u can add m on ********@************.com.
My first response is: irritation. Why? Well, for starters, my common sense is insulted by this email. "This guy must imagine that I am very stupid! How DARE he write me begging, he's a MAN for Pete's sake!", is what I raged to myself....Then I did the breakdown of what this guy is really saying, perhaps I have it all wrong...so I audit my first thought...What is he saying?
1. He is in Manchester, London. This is the "old" country so why is he asking me for help? Shouldn't it be the other way around? It's like an older sister borrowing money from a younger sister...either the older sister is "touched" or there is a scam afoot.
2. He's Anglo and British and male. I am a Black American female and certainly not in any position to support a white man on any continent. First I know who I am and what my limitations are realistically...Is this person having delusions due to desperation? Hmmm....
3. He is a year younger than me and a man of faith....So why doesn't he contact his church for support?
4. He lost his wife during labor and delivery... Most hospitals have resources and would have directed him to some help with grieving and newborn care.
5. He wants, wants, wants: a LOVELY, KIND woman - one to be by HIS side to LOVE and CARE for him and his son. What is he offering? Nothing, but problems, he and his son need a mommy. If he was a man of means, he would just hire a nanny and a maid/cook. He must come from a really poor family and he doesn't mention family support or either side, his or his deceased wife. Another issue from my "audit" is he doesn't mention friends. Who is in his "circles"? I was always told that when a man reaches outside of his circle, it's because he is trying to take advantage of someone without suffering any consequences like the destruction of his image.
6.He closes the email with begging....This guy is a stranger. Never give out personal information to a stranger period.
So, after my audit...I decided this guy is no gentleman, whatever he is, so here is my response:
Sorry about your loss...what does your Mom or Sisters say you should do? What about your Mother-In-Law and Sisters-In-Law have to say about your situation? I hope they are helping you out with your parenting responsibilities... Here are some other resources: http://www.lone-parents.org.uk/links.htm - I mean, you should try to handle this locally you know?
Single Parent - Lone parent Linkswww.lone-parents.org.ukbrings support and advice to lone - single parents, have your say or add your pearls of wisdom, also includes a back to work diary, dating site and chat room.
I gave him the benefit of the doubt ever after my audit showed that this guy was fishy, fishy, fishy!
His response?
Thanks my dear for your kindness toward my mail i want to know you more,just give me details about you and what you do for a living and where you stay.thanks i shall waiting to here from you.
from ..............*******
OKAY! That did it! Always follow your first mind...even without proof - I was correct about this Cretan!
My response?
No thanks
Cut them off at the KNEES as soon as you ascertain that this person is less than a gentleman. I gentleman does not ask for nor accept "support" from a strange lady. It's embarrassing and dishonorable.
--------
Okay, I thought this was "handled". But, no, he emailed me again...(unbelievable!)
His response:
Good day my dear, you may not understand what i am going true now,it only God that knows i need some one like and beautiful as you are to take good care of me and my son Jim who also have the fear of God and kind,all i need from you is to just give me the chance and time o k.
Thanks for always be on side.i shall be glad to receive your mail again.
From ********
My response - I have no response - he goes on my REJECT list...THE END... Kindness doesn't work with everyone. At Coletha's House, I strive to be kind but when you have to draw the line - do so quickly. Some "folks" will take kindness for weakness, this must NOT be tolerated.
Until next time, see you in Utopia!
i am ***** by name and am from Manchester London am 45 years by age and am also a man of faith and believed so much on God's miracles and doings. but right now i lost my wife on the process of giving birth to my son *******.
its so much hard to leave here in London, without a lovely and a kind woman, that will always be by my side to love and care for me and my kid too. i will like to stop here for now and willing to tell you more great things about my self, if only i will read more things from you too. here my email you can send me emails or you can add me up on yahoo messenger or you send me your cell number so i can be calling you from time to time u can add m on ********@************.com.
My first response is: irritation. Why? Well, for starters, my common sense is insulted by this email. "This guy must imagine that I am very stupid! How DARE he write me begging, he's a MAN for Pete's sake!", is what I raged to myself....Then I did the breakdown of what this guy is really saying, perhaps I have it all wrong...so I audit my first thought...What is he saying?
1. He is in Manchester, London. This is the "old" country so why is he asking me for help? Shouldn't it be the other way around? It's like an older sister borrowing money from a younger sister...either the older sister is "touched" or there is a scam afoot.
2. He's Anglo and British and male. I am a Black American female and certainly not in any position to support a white man on any continent. First I know who I am and what my limitations are realistically...Is this person having delusions due to desperation? Hmmm....
3. He is a year younger than me and a man of faith....So why doesn't he contact his church for support?
4. He lost his wife during labor and delivery... Most hospitals have resources and would have directed him to some help with grieving and newborn care.
5. He wants, wants, wants: a LOVELY, KIND woman - one to be by HIS side to LOVE and CARE for him and his son. What is he offering? Nothing, but problems, he and his son need a mommy. If he was a man of means, he would just hire a nanny and a maid/cook. He must come from a really poor family and he doesn't mention family support or either side, his or his deceased wife. Another issue from my "audit" is he doesn't mention friends. Who is in his "circles"? I was always told that when a man reaches outside of his circle, it's because he is trying to take advantage of someone without suffering any consequences like the destruction of his image.
6.He closes the email with begging....This guy is a stranger. Never give out personal information to a stranger period.
So, after my audit...I decided this guy is no gentleman, whatever he is, so here is my response:
Sorry about your loss...what does your Mom or Sisters say you should do? What about your Mother-In-Law and Sisters-In-Law have to say about your situation? I hope they are helping you out with your parenting responsibilities... Here are some other resources: http://www.lone-parents.org.uk/links.htm - I mean, you should try to handle this locally you know?
Single Parent - Lone parent Linkswww.lone-parents.org.ukbrings support and advice to lone - single parents, have your say or add your pearls of wisdom, also includes a back to work diary, dating site and chat room.
I gave him the benefit of the doubt ever after my audit showed that this guy was fishy, fishy, fishy!
His response?
Thanks my dear for your kindness toward my mail i want to know you more,just give me details about you and what you do for a living and where you stay.thanks i shall waiting to here from you.
from ..............*******
OKAY! That did it! Always follow your first mind...even without proof - I was correct about this Cretan!
My response?
No thanks
Cut them off at the KNEES as soon as you ascertain that this person is less than a gentleman. I gentleman does not ask for nor accept "support" from a strange lady. It's embarrassing and dishonorable.
--------
Okay, I thought this was "handled". But, no, he emailed me again...(unbelievable!)
His response:
Good day my dear, you may not understand what i am going true now,it only God that knows i need some one like and beautiful as you are to take good care of me and my son Jim who also have the fear of God and kind,all i need from you is to just give me the chance and time o k.
Thanks for always be on side.i shall be glad to receive your mail again.
From ********
My response - I have no response - he goes on my REJECT list...THE END... Kindness doesn't work with everyone. At Coletha's House, I strive to be kind but when you have to draw the line - do so quickly. Some "folks" will take kindness for weakness, this must NOT be tolerated.
Until next time, see you in Utopia!
RSS Feed