Just because you live a life avoiding drama (or at least TRYING to) does not mean that drama won't find you...A gentleman got in touch with me because his wife suddenly passed away and he is just reaching out to find help where ever he can.  Here is his email...his identity has been changed:

i am ***** by name and am from Manchester London am 45 years by age and am also a man of faith and believed so much on God's miracles and doings. but right now i lost my wife on the process of giving birth to my son *******.
its so much hard to leave here in London, without a lovely and a kind woman, that will always be by my side to love and care for me and my kid too. i will like to stop here for now and willing to tell you more great things about my self, if only i will read more things from you too. here my email you can send me emails or you can add me up on yahoo messenger or you send me your cell number so i can be calling you from time to time u can add m on ********@************.com.

My first response is:  irritation.  Why? Well, for starters, my common sense is insulted by this email.  "This guy must imagine that I am very stupid! How DARE he write me begging, he's a MAN for Pete's sake!", is what I raged to myself....Then I did the breakdown of what this guy is really saying, perhaps I have it all wrong...so I audit my first thought...What is he saying?

1. He is in Manchester, London.  This is the "old" country so why is he asking me for help? Shouldn't it be the other way around?  It's like an older sister borrowing money from a younger sister...either the older sister is "touched" or there is a scam afoot.
2. He's Anglo and British and male.  I am a Black American female and certainly not in any position to support a white man on any continent.  First I know who I am and what my limitations are realistically...Is this person having delusions due to desperation? Hmmm....
3. He is a year younger than me and a man of faith....So why doesn't he contact his church for support?
4. He lost his wife during labor and delivery... Most hospitals have resources and would have directed him to some help with grieving and newborn care.
5. He wants, wants, wants: a LOVELY, KIND woman - one to be by HIS side to LOVE and CARE for him and his son.  What is he offering? Nothing, but problems, he and his son need a mommy.  If he was a man of means, he would just hire a nanny and a maid/cook. He must come from a really poor family and he doesn't mention family support or either side, his or his deceased wife.  Another issue from my "audit" is he doesn't mention friends.  Who is in his "circles"?  I was always told that when a man reaches outside of his circle, it's because he is trying to take advantage of someone without suffering any consequences like the destruction of his image.
6.He closes the email with begging....This guy is a stranger.  Never give out personal information to a stranger period.

So, after my audit...I decided this guy is no gentleman, whatever he is, so here is my response:


Sorry about your loss...what does your Mom or Sisters say you should do? What about your Mother-In-Law and Sisters-In-Law have to say about your situation? I hope they are helping you out with your parenting responsibilities... Here are some other resources: http://www.lone-parents.org.uk/links.htm - I mean, you should try to handle this locally you know?

Single Parent - Lone parent Linkswww.lone-parents.org.ukbrings support and advice to lone - single parents, have your say or add your pearls of wisdom, also includes a back to work diary, dating site and chat room. 

I gave him the benefit of the doubt ever after my audit showed that this guy was fishy, fishy, fishy!
His response?

Thanks my dear for your kindness toward my mail i want to know you more,just give me details about you and what you do for a living and where you stay.thanks i shall waiting to here from you.
from ..............*******

OKAY! That did it! Always follow your first mind...even without proof - I was correct about this Cretan!
My response?

No thanks

Cut them off at the KNEES as soon as you ascertain that this person is less than a gentleman. I gentleman does not ask for nor accept "support" from a strange lady.  It's embarrassing and dishonorable.

--------
Okay, I thought this was "handled".  But, no, he emailed me again...(unbelievable!)
His response:

Good day my dear, you may not understand what i am going true now,it only God that knows i need some one like and beautiful as you are to take good care of me and my son Jim who also have the fear of God and kind,all i need from you is to just give me the chance and time o k.
Thanks for always be on side.i shall be glad to receive your mail again.
From ********

My response - I have no response - he goes on my REJECT list...THE END... Kindness doesn't work with everyone.  At Coletha's House, I strive to be kind but when you have to draw the line - do so quickly.  Some "folks" will take kindness for weakness, this must NOT be tolerated.

Until next time, see you in Utopia!

What if the day came when you were supposed to die? Would you be sad to see it coming, Would you cry? Would you feel elated, excited, relieved, incredibly high? What if the day of death came and went and you were still alive?

Would you even know? Would you even care? That you died yesterday, yet you are sitting there... Having a conversation with your boyfriend...Checking your Facebook, friending new friends... Except you died yesterday, but didn't really die

What if that's the way it is for you and I?
What if something changed during April showers?
2012 is here and in April came that hour and day no one knows except "The Father"...

The hour where life changed...The hour where death changed...Now it's the day after you've died, the day after I've died and life is going on...We're scarred...we remember it, the death, but we look around and we are still here.  Nothing has changed, everything has changed - The day after we don't die anymore.

Some windows were broken at Nike Town on 6th Avenue.
Some doors were pounded at the old courthouse building.
Some folks were sprayed with water.
Life went on.

That's basically it.  Here in Seattle, life is pretty mellow.  We live and let live except for a few psychos who get shook to the top of KIRO or KOMO news and before you know it we have forgotten about our weirdos and gone back to our daily lives.  Some of us have "guppies" to fry; while others have "Orcas" to fry.  We are never distracted for long.  We have needy to help. Homeless to find housing for. Letters to write to our inmates.  Prayers for those who are in despair. 

When the sun shines, we definitely have nothing to complain about.  What happened in your city for May Day? Let me know...

I would write more on the May Day Protests but I want to do some other things while there is sunshine! Toodles! ;-D



"If you believe things happen for a reason,
then don't freak out when things do happen, for a reason."
-- Dr. Loretta Standley    
http://www.drstandley.com/dailymessage.shtml


Original Poem: Life on Earth By Ms. Coletha

Tough
Hopeful
Painful Directed
Daily
Crazy Good
Varied
Timely Blissful
Trying
Lonely Beginning
Ebbing
Ending  Life
On
Earth.
2012 © Voices, All rights reserved.
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Everyone knows what a female is.

She is opposite of what a male is. He is masculine, she is feminine. She is built to carry, birth and nurse offspring, he is not. Being a female is strictly biological.  She has all the correct technical parts to be labeled thus; female.

Does everyone know what a woman is?
Does everyone know what a lady is?
Does everyone know what a girl is?

While most persons would stipulate that each are defined by the actions, character, wealth or lack of wealth of a said female. A woman "handles her business". She is confident and accomplished. She enjoys a certain lifestyle that she has independently created whether she is single or married is of no consequence.  She can be seen a regal and respectable. She does not abide disrespectful conduct and is quick to regulate such infractions.  She "looks out for herself". She knows how to protect herself, her home and her loved ones.  She is woman "Hear her roar!"  She has "Come a long way baby!"  While these sentiments and this definition appears to be a definition that a female should embody it normally leaves many females feeling empty and just plain weary...

At the end of the day the woman is flesh and blood.  She is in need of simple human kindness; a positive word, a sincere hug, a warm smile that reaches the eyes, someone to simply care that she lives and breathes; someone who communicates their appreciation of all she does and can do; etc...

On the other hand a lady is something altogether different.
A lady will not abide any male who is not a "gentleman".  She is refined and elegant. She has no concern about commerce and thinks it bad taste to even mention money. She has a good head for business and is usually an investor in the dreams and aspirations of others while laughing at the antics of con men.  She is very savvy with a sixth sense for tom foolery.  She has a soft appearance and a quiet demeanor.  She never "blows her own horn".  There are plenty of persons who regard her with awe and respect as she earns it every day of her life. Does she have challenges? Indeed she does although you will never hear her complain about it.  She is grace personified and every word she says is positive and uplifting of others.  She is a problem solver with ready ideas and encouragement. She is a lady.

Girls.

Well, what can be said of girls?  They are as you would guess, immature, silly, naive, innocent, unaware, guileless.  Girls must be governed and protected.  They know little of how to fend for themselves. They don't know whom to trust and what to believe. They are easily frightened and bullied. 

In recent history, there were strides taken in every level of community to strengthen the female.  As a result there have been varied results.  ;-)   As a female myself, I have only endeavored to SURVIVE. 

SURVIVE childhood
SURVIVE adolescence
SURVIVE young motherhood
SURVIVE middle age
SURVIVE what will eventually come...my demise...

Along the way, I have laughed, cried, worried and been terrified.  Anyone can relate to these feelings but not everyone has survived these feelings....sadly.  Not everyone is fated to endure this life here on earth and the delicate nature of females makes it doubly difficult if I do say so myself... Meanwhile, life goes on and survival continues to be paramount.  Some has ascribed to survival by any means.  I strongly do not subscribe to this "logic".  If you must destroy your soul to solve a problem - then you must look at other ways to resolve the issue.  Survival does not come easy...the easy way is definitely not the best way in anything.  Survive with vision, vigor and resolve - be committed to your survival and to your integrity.  At the end of the day and at the completion of each task - there is only you to find peace with. 

The challenge to survive and maintain self-respect and dignity.  This challenge must be met head on by males as well, however since I have only the perspective of a female to draw upon; I focus on the female.  If you are a male reading this blog, please feel free to comment, call or email your responses. 

Until next time, see you in Utopia!